Everybody Poops: The Post-Mortem Edition

After a person has been declared clinically dead and biological death occurs, long after our sentient personality has left this world, certain bodily functions just keep on keepin’ on. Old habits die hard, and in the case of the human body, some habits won’t die just because you do.

1. Brain Activity & Our Five Senses
You may have heard at one point in your life that after death, brain activity continues for a period of time. This is true to some extent, though most of the postmortem brain activity is actually the brain making one last attempt to keep itself alive by using all the oxygen left inside the deceased body. In doing this, brain cells cause irreparable damage to themselves. consciousness can be retained for approximately 15-20 seconds following death- this is true even in the case of people who are decapitated. This short period of consciousness following death is most likely when your “life flashes before your eyes”. Although it is difficult to understand how a person may feel they are literally reliving their entire life in a matter of seconds, it’s very similar to how we perceive time in a dream. Have you ever fallen asleep and had a bizarre dream that felt like it lasted forever, only to realize you’d been sleeping for just a few minutes? That is most likely what is experienced by people who are dying, or having a near death experience. With brain activity continuing after death, our five senses slowly fade after death, as well. The first sense to go is sight, followed by taste, smell, touch and finally, hearing. That means even if you didn’t get a chance to say goodbye before your loved one passed, if you told them something shortly afterwards, they probably still heard it.

2. Post-Mortem Movement and Breathing
Just because your brain has died and all activity has ceased, that doesn’t mean your nervous system has stopped functioning entirely. Often corpses will retain reflex action, causing muscle twitches, spasms, even what appears to be shallow breathing (which is sure to turn anyone’s Wake into an exciting event). These movements are caused when nerves send signals to the spinal cord, but you might want to keep that to yourself and see if you can convince everyone at the Wake that your grandmother is turning into a zombie.

3. Skin
Skin cells do not need constant circulation to survive, which means they’ll outlive you by several days. Unfortunately, you won’t be able to grow and new skin cells, so any wounds you previously have or acquire during death will not heal. That means any tattoos, piercings, plastic surgery, microdermabrasion etc. that you were considering having don postmortem to look good for your last hoorah probably wont look as great as you may have imagined.

4. Hair and Nails Appear to Grow
…they don’t really, but it certainly looks that way. Same as your skin, no new hair or nail tissue will grow. A body begins to lose all its moisture following death. When all that water weight starts dropping off, you get a postmortem face lift. The pulling back and tightening of your skin from lack of moisture gives the appearance of hair and nail growth, when in actuality you are just shriveling up and shrinking.

5. Vocal Chords
When you die, the bacteria in your body that once digested your food begins eating you from the inside out. This causes a tremendous build-up of gasses inside your body which has to escape somehow. There are many ways in which these gasses evacuate the corpse, one of the less disturbing methods being through your windpipe… And yes, that is one of the less disturbing ways. It causes moans, groans, even squeaks to come from the deceased.

6. Pee/Poo/Farts
There is a common misconception that some people urinate when they die. Luckily, we’re here to dispel those kind of rumors; The truth is, almost everyone pees themselves when they die. The urinary sphincter is held shut by a part of your brain, so when your brain stops functioning, your sphincter opens up and everything left in your bladder at the time of death is released. After you die, if you gotta go well… You really gotta go because your brain is no longer able to “hold it”. If it helps ease your mind, you won’t necessarily “pee your pants”. Assuming you live a long life and die a natural death, this postmortem urine could very easily be collected by a catheter. Another misconception is that some people defecate one last time at the moment of death- this is just a flat out lie… Due to the fact that the bacteria in your body that digests food won’t begin eating you until all the food is gone, almost everyone poops for days following their death. Remember when I said there were many more disturbing ways built-up gas can escape a corpse? Pooping is one of them. Excess gasses often expel themselves through the anus, taking with them whatever is in their path… which is usually human waste. More commonly refered to as “poop”. The expulsion of gasses through the anus can also cause lots of postmortem farting. I think the disgusting child in all of us can appreciate the fact that even in death, we can (and will) fart up a storm in the coroner’s office.

7. Death Erections (and Ejaculations)
After all the blood in your system has stopped circulating, it begins to pool. The effects of this are most evident during the 4th stage of decomposition known as “Livor Mortis”, which you can learn all about here on The Post-Mortem Post on Thursday April 9th. All you need to know now is that after death blood pools in the lowest (in relation to the rest of the world) regions of the body. This means if you die standing up or laying face down, one place blood will pool is in the genitalia. When a male’s penis- living or dead fills with blood, it causes an erection. In the days of public hangings, when bodies were not always removed in a prompt and courteous manner, people became very familiar with the phenomenon of “death erections”, sported by many men who were hung to their death. During the 3rd phase of decomposition, Rigor Mortis (come back Wednesday April 8th to learn more) every muscle in the body begins to harden. The hardening causes contraction of the muscles and sometimes all that hardening and contracting can cause a corpse to ejaculate.

8. Coffin Birth
As we all know, pregnancy and childbirth used to be an incredibly dangerous experience for women. In a time before prenatal vitamins, ultrasounds and blood transfusions (with the correct type of blood) it was all too common for a woman to die during some stage of her pregnancy. Unfortunately, in those times, not everyone was able to receive a burial soon after death, or in some cases, ever. Due to this, there were a few rare accounts of women who had given birth, postmortem. These “Coffin Births”, as they became known, were caused by a combination of softening, deceased flesh and a build up of gasses within the cadaver. In some instances, this gas escaped through the vaginal canal of a female corpse, bringing a living, breathing baby out with it. Yes, you guessed it- the expulsion of postmortem gasses through the vaginal canal could also cause corpse queefs.

MYTH: In the late 1800s and early 1900s Optography was all the rage. Used as a plot device in many fictional murder mysteries at the time, it was also utilized in real-life crime solving. After Franz Christian Boll discovered rhodopsin, also known as “visual purple”, a photosensitive pigment in the retina which can be “fixed” similar to a photographic negative, German psychologist William Kuhne set to work researching how this could be helpful in solving crimes.There was a belief that an optogram could capture the last image seen before death on the retina of the deceased. This led investigators to believe they might have a shot at capturing an image of the killer in the eye of their victim. Kuhne did a lot of very mean, sad things to rabbits during his research that we do not condone and we don’t wanna talk about it… So instead we’ll jump to November 16, 1880 when William Kuhne finally got the shot to test this theory on a human eye. Erhard Gustav Reif was executed by guillotine after killing his children in Bruchsal. Immediately following his death, Reif’s eyes were extracted and sent to Kuhne to be analyzed. Kuhne found that on the left eye of Erhard Gustav Reif there was a vague outline of what appeared to be the guillotine blade.

Outline of optograph obtained from subject’s left retina.

This was a huge discovery in forensics… until people began to put two and two together and realized that the position in which Erhard Gustav Reif was placed at the time of his execution would not have made it possible for him to see the blade of the guillotine, not to mention he was blindfolded at the time. Despite the fact that is scientific reasoning to support how this theory would work… it just doesn’t, at least, not now. It is possible optography will be more thoroughly researched and one day, perfected as a method for solving murder.
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If you enjoyed this article (or didn’t and want to know ways to minimize you postmortem farting and corpse queefs) you may like Burying the Dead is Killing the Planet, and Demystifying the Process of Dying.
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Woman Found Pushing Her Deceased Child in Swing for “Unusually Long Period of Time”

Romechia Simms with her son, Ji’Aire Lee

At 7AM on Friday, May 22, 2015 deputies of the Charles County Sheriff’s department arrived at Wills Memorial Park in La Plata, Maryland in response to a call reporting a woman who had been swinging a child for an “unusually long period of time”. Although officers had originally believed the child was in need of first-aid, as they approached, “It was instantaneously clear the child was dead.”. The child was identified as three year old Ji’Aire Lee and while there were no clear signs of foul play, investigators are not ruling out the possibility. It is believed the mother may have been pushing her deceased child on the swing all of Thursday night, having arrived that evening.

The swing which was cut down along with Ji’Aire’s body. A teddy bear and potted flowers sit beneath the absent swing; It is unclear whether they were placed there by Romechia Simms or mourners.

 Reportedly, the boy’s body had to be removed along with the swing which was cut down by firefighters. The body was then sent to the office of the Chief Medical Examiner in Baltimore for an autopsy and toxicology test, the results of which have yet to be publicly released.The boy’s mother, 24-year-old Romechia Simms, had been diagnosed with a mental illness three months prior and had been in a custody battle with the Ji’Aire’s father, Donnell Lee, since March of 2015. Mr. Lee was concerned about Romechia’s emotional state and felt it would be better if their son lived with him and only visited his mother. At a recent hearing, the judge advised Ji’Aire would be better off living with his mother. The Wednesday prior to the discovery of Ji’Aire’s body, Romechia had called Donnell and asked him to pick up their son because she was having issues with her mother, Vontasha Simms. By the time Donnell got off work and attempted to come pick up Ji’Aire, Romechia had stopped answering her phone. Romechia Simms and her child were temporarily homeless after moving out of Donnell Lee’s residence and had been living in a motel in Waldorf, Maryland, approximately one mile from Wills Memorial Park.

Wills Memorial Park in La Plata, Maryland.

She had reportedly been suffering from severe depression due to her predicament, in addition to the mental illness which she had been diagnosed with three months prior to her son’s death. After the boy was discovered, Romechia was admitted to a local hospital for a mental evaluation; She was released the following Monday. Romechia’s mother, 47-year-old Vontasha Simms stated that ordinarally, “[Romechia] would never harm my grandson in any way. You know, I just believe she had some type of mental illness, some type of mental break that came upon her where she wasn’t able to get herself out of that situation.”. Vontasha hopes her family’s tragedy will prevent similar situations in the future adding, “I don’t want people to look down upon her; I want people to use the situation as an opportunity to grow, learn from it. Like I said, help your neighbor. If you suffer from mental issues and you need help, don’t be afraid to reach out to somebody.”.

3 year old Ji’Aire Lee

More on this story as it becomes available.
Special Thanks to @Haxan_Aok on Twitter for calling this story to our attention
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So I Married the Oldest Axe Murderer: 100 Year Old Hacks Wife to Death in Her Sleep, Commits Suicide

In the late evening of Sunday April 5, 2015, one-hundred year old Michael Juskin of Elmwood Park, New Jersey murdered his 88-year-old wife, Rosalia, with an axe as she slept in her bed on the first floor of their home at 58 Spruce Street. Afterwards, Mr. Juskin killed himself by slitting his wrists with a knife in the first floor bathroom. The bodies of the couple were discovered the following day around 9:00 AM by one of their sons who had come to the house to check on his parents. Michael and Rosalia had three children together (two sons, one daughter) and were long time residents at 58 Spruce Street. When they moved to their neighborhood, their home was one of only a few in Elmwood Park, then called “East Paterson”. Neighbors described the two as “a nice couple” and despite the fact the Juskins mostly kept to themselves and Michael was, “not the type to converse” their neighbors would see them outside tending to their yard together often. Police say, however, the couple had a history of domestic violence and that Rosalia had called 911 on three occasions over the past three years. In March 2012, police were called to the home when Michael Juskin was displaying “erratic, dementia-type behavior” and was taken to the hospital. A family member commented after the murder/suicide, “Sometimes he [Mr. Juskin] was lucid and sometimes he wasn’t.” Again, in the fall of 2013, Rosalia called 911 after an argument between she and her husband regarding the quality of her cooking, among other things which were undisclosed. According to Mrs. Juskin, the argument between she and her husband turned into “harassment” although no signs of abuse were observed by the police. In January 2015, Rosalia made the most unusual call of all from behind a locked door in the basement of their home. Michael Juskin reportedly ignored his wife’s pleas to be let out of the basement which eventually led her to call emergency services. When they arrived, still no signs of domestic abuse were observed and she insisted it was an accident. It is unclear how Mrs. Juskin came to be locked in the basement in the first place, though it is assumed Michael locked the door behind her. After the murder/suicide one of their sons, Nick Juskin, told investigators, “He [Michael Juskin] wasn’t himself. More times than not, he didn’t know where he was. He had Alzheimer’s. He couldn’t hear worth of shit.”, which may explain why he did not respond to his wife’s pleas to be let out of the basement. Emergency workers who responded to that call commented, “He’s 100 years old and she [Mrs. Juskin] chalked it up to that. She didn’t feel it was purposeful.” but it had been the third call to police in three years. Adult protective services were contacted about the incident but did not see the need to intervene in any way. Long-time neighbors of the couple claim Michael had wanted to divorce his wife for decades and approximately one month before the murder/suicide took place, Mr. Juskin made one last attempt at it. Twenty-four year old Alejandra Gonzales who lived across the street from the couple received a visit from Michael Juskin one day. He was insistent that he needed a ride to Paterson in order to meet with a lawyer about divorcing his wife. Gonzales explained, “He was very unhappy; he thought his wife was taking his pension money… He might have thought she was cheating on him.”. Alejandra’s fiancé complied and drove Mr. Juskin to the town of Paterson where a lawyer told him he was elderly and should just “let it go” and enjoy the rest of his life. Mr. Patterson, however, felt differently. Shortly thereafter, he showed up on Gonzales’s doorstep requesting a ride again; This time, he told the lawyer he was only 93. After the second incident, Alejandra contacted one of his sons, who informed her, “He does this all the time. Just don’t do it [drive him to the lawyer’s office] anymore.”. The couple lived part-time in Gulfport, Florida where their daughter is a full-time resident. The Juskins’ daughter urged her mother to come live with her in Florida, away from Michael, asserting, “We know he’s unstable.”, but Mrs. Juskin refused her daughter’s offer. Next door neighbor, 42-year-old Dorta Biskup told reporters, “He didn’t want medicine [for his dementia], he would sometimes drink vodka.” and that Michael could often be heard, “hollering through the door”. Although it is unconfirmed due to pending investigation, it is believed Michael Juskin is the oldest known murderer in the history of the United States, possibly the world. In 2013, only 0.6% of murders were committed by someone aged 75 or older.
This tragedy could have been prevented. If you are in an abusive relationship, even if it is “just” emotionally abusive, as Rosalia Juskin’s was, there are people who can help; Please get out immediately and seek refuge at your nearest Women’s Shelter.
National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 (1-800-799-SAFE)
If you are living in another country and need assistance finding resources to escape an abusive relationship, please contact me and I will find resources in or near your own community immediately.
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